By Prism Pantaz, In5D.com
This is a message to my fellow empaths and lightworkers. I’ve stumbled onto something you may find helpful. A way of working with the Self to bring about your Truth.
I’ll start by stating it simply: We are not our behaviors, patterns or emotions. We are the field in which they exist.
To really understand the significance of that statement, a story is in order.
Now, I have heard this from various teachers over the years. I even understood it on an intellectual level. However, thinking something and knowing something are two different things.
Like many of you, I’ve been experiencing a very intense past couple years. All sorts of emotions and deep patterns have been coming up for processing and healing. I’ve been diligently working through issue after issue. On a deep level, I’ve understood I am working through all this to arrive at a new state of being. I refer to it as Unity Consciousness, Christ Consciousness or Buddha Consciousness.
Over the past few years, my main life focus has been working through and transmuting old patterns which do not serve me anymore. Boy have there been a lot. I look back at my writings and am amazed at how far I have come. I was creating “healing cycles,” where I would dive into a new issue, explore and heal the emotions behind it, and eventually (could be days, weeks or months later) shift the pattern to a new understanding or release it entirely. In each healing phase, I would be pulled deeply into the pattern to explore it emotionally and learn to love that aspect of my self. I’ve certainly found unconditional love to be the most powerful healing tool at my disposal.
During the shifts, there were times where it felt like my consciousness would expand. I could feel that I was more than just this body. I even spent some time in what I believe to be the start of Unity Consciousness – an expanded sense of Self, powered by pure love and a deep connection to all that is. Each time I’ve reached that state, I eventually got pulled back into ego consciousness by lingering patterns coming up for healing.
The most recent has been a doozy. A ‘complex.’ Perhaps the deepest pattern I’ve faced yet. It is connected to my ‘core’ issue – the fear of abandonment. Long story short, my ego has been creating a drama where it needs to worry about things I cannot control. It has created an insane amount of anxiety over the years. And I’ve decided to let it go.
A complex is like a bunch of individual strings (patterns) which get tangled together in a giant mind knot. The patterns trigger other patterns and are all interrelated. So I’ve been exploring this complex one string at a time. Healing and feeling the underlying emotions.
As I worked through one issue, it would bring me back to another I had already addressed. And the emotion would be back on that old issue… and this kept on happening. I felt like I was in a maze… and then I realized I actually was in a maze. Some people call it the ‘matrix.’ It was a maze of the ego mind. A constant identification with my patterns. “Why can’t I shift this? Why can’t I seem to heal this?” So I began exploring the maze.
I realized, the maze was safe. With all it’s negative emotions and anxiety, in the little bubble of my maze, my ego felt safe. When I really began to explore it, it felt like a little burrow… a dark, dirty little hole where I could hide from predators. Like I was a mouse, hiding. Outside this little burrow was a tremendous light. The ego self found that light overwhelming and preferred to stay in it’s burrow. I couldn’t break out of this maze… this burrow… no matter what I did. The ego mind could not heal the ego mind.
With that realization, another deep realization and fear arose within me. Who was I without this pattern? Who was I without the need for validation? Without the need to constantly over analyze other’s emotional states? Who was I without the fear of abandonment? I didn’t know. I panicked because I didn’t know who I was or how to proceed. How could I surrender these patterns I’ve identified as ‘me’ for so long? Did I really want to?
I eventually realized this pattern was too big for me to heal myself, so I asked for help. I prayed. I simply accepted that this was too big for me and I prayed for help.
Eventually, an insight was given to me: “Get out of the mind set of ‘making’ things happen. Allow things to happen. Create the conditions and allow the universe to do the heavy lifting.” Allowing was the key word. Allowing myself to experience without the need to analyze and go into the patterns that were coming up. I became highly conscious and kept my focus on allowing.
The next day, during a quite lovely bath, I had a beautiful realization. Here is what I wrote after getting out of the bath:
“Just finished a lovely bath and had quite the beautiful realization. I am not these patterns. I am the space in which these patterns exist! I’ve heard this said by various teachers before, but never quite got it like I did in the bath today. The ego is just a frequency in my field which likes to claim it is the entire field. It will want to do, do, do and try to take control of the space. Instead, just ALLOW, watch the ego struggle for control. If it needs something processed and surrendered, allow it to move into the space of feeling.
It is as though I can feel the entire field around me. Energies and frequencies are swimming around it. These patterns were deliberate. The Self created them for a purpose. Now, many of their purposes are coming to an end, they have accomplished the desired outcome.
There is so much love in this field. Even though the heart chakra has not yet opened, The field itself feels like an ocean of love. Kind of like a womb… not overwhelming, just perfect and calm.”
There was a profound shift of the internal experience. I had been identifying myself as my ego. My patterns. My behavior. My emotional state. But with this realization, I realized on a heart level – none of that is ‘me.’ I am simply the field in which these things are expressed.
Here is how I’ve been experiencing it. When I connect into the energy of ‘allowing,’ it is as though my awareness of Self expands to a toroidal shape. I can feel various energies and patterns moving through this shape. At times, these patterns will move into a ‘place of feeling,’ where the pattern wants to express itself. I simply allow it to express whatever energy or feelings come up, but unlike before, I am not getting pulled into the story of the pattern. I simply allow it to express itself, then it integrates or moves back out of the place of feeling. The experience has been quite magical so far.
The Self, the field that is you or me, seems to have a natural pull to grow and evolve. It wants to experience itself in new ways. I realized the Self has created these various patterns over time to serve my growth. It is guiding me to become something new. All these patterns that I have labeled ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ over the years at one point really helped me survive in this world. Now, these old patterns are transmuting to allow for something new.
If there is one thing I hope you take away from this story it is to allow your own perfection. Embrace what you are, ego and all. When we resist aspects of self, it only holds them in place.
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About the author: Prism Pantaz is an indigo child and emotional healer. He approaches spirituality from a psychological perspective and has spent his life researching methods of releasing emotional baggage and embracing the authentic Self. Check out his website at http://pyroofsouls.com/