We tend to be eager to help others help themselves. It is easy to see fault in others, to want to jump to their rescue. We can feel we know better, and all we want is the best for them. We are doing it out of kindness, of course, and we might very well know better, intellectually. We might even be able to guide them towards exactly what they express that they are looking for – but is it any of our business, really?
Have you ever done this? Felt someone needed your opinion, your evolved perspective and rescue, and grabbed the chance to spread some rescue remedy that is actually un-called for? If you have, you are not alone. I used to be a preacher on health and healing. Once I had a revelation, I knew everyone I met needed to hear about it – to be saved by me. I made everybody’s business, my business.
Even though we have the best intent, it is not our place to try to change anyone who has not asked for our help. Even when you can clearly see they aren’t choosing the best, smartest, or the most beneficial path, it is their own path. All we can do is to offer support. All we can do is to let them know we are there. That is all. Everything else is not being of service, it is being a pain and not respecting other people’s boundaries.
We also tend to project our own baggage onto other people; the “I am cold. Everybody must be freezing” syndrome.
Having the need to change other’s views or behavior comes from a need to control. So let’s take back our own control — but not by controlling others. Their path is none of our business.
Related reading: We Can’t Change Others – Or Can We?
There is an old saying that addresses this topic; Sweep outside your own front door before you try to clean someone else’s. This saying reminds us that we should bring the energy back to ourselves and focus on bettering us first. I would say leave the broom at your own front door, period. Let people use their own, whenever they see fit. We can all have a broom-party, if we so choose, by invitation only. I call it; Get rid of your own shit, then serve. I realized that what I thought was me helping them, was me being a people pleaser. It was me projecting my own wants and desires unto others, AND looking for validation at the same time.
Serving and pleasing, giving and helping. All words that easily get entangled in each other. The difference lies in the energy behind the words, not in the words themselves. We all need help now and then, and we all feel better being able to give back to the world, to the community, our family, and our friends. Through so many different ways, we can all contribute. But the bullshit belief that we need something back, a validation or a prize, is not serving any of us. It is just us trying to be perfect, while none of us ever will be. There is no such thing — and at the same time we already are perfect.
Bottom line, it doesn’t matter. Creation doesn’t give a shit. Only we do, and the need for perfection is holding us back. You might believe that you have to be in a certain place or have a special skill to help and guide others. Not so. All you have to do is be you, and there will be someone that needs what you have to offer. You are enough, always. You have a gift, you have an experience that others can benefit from, and you are able to change someone else’s life today — just by being YOU. By just being, and taking care of your own.
We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
No more people pleasing: It’s time to become a recovered people pleaser. I know, I write as if you ARE a pleaser, but chances are, if you’re reading this, you know what I am talking about. We all want to be of use, validated, seen and acknowledged. There’s nothing wrong with that. Heck, we need more of that! The thing is, we are of much better use when we stop looking for validation and results, and focus on serving through living — by minding our own business, and letting others do the same; compassionately being of service, and letting others do the same.
Practice listening to yourself. Be mindful of your own thoughts and feelings. They indicate how you perceive your life. They also tell you some valuable information about your belief system in general. Let them guide you and be your friends. Emotions, thoughts and feelings are a natural part of you. Acknowledge them as your friends. Let them speak and listen.
Be humble and connected. You are a part of the God force, and as long as you stay connected, you will need no validation from others. Stop chasing the outside for what you are looking for. It was always within. Get real with your own shortcomings and strengths. Appreciate, pray and be true to yourself.
Be open and honest. Be authentic and real towards others. Stand your ground by learning how to say “no”. You have to set your own boundaries. Both yes and no have a place in your life, although no is most often the hardest to say. You are allowed to disagree with anyone about anything. Look at why you are not comfortable choosing yourself and your own needs. Let no one tell you what to do, say or feel.
Respect others. Respect other people’s feelings and choices, and expect them to do the same. Don’t preach to them or tell them what to do. Don’t help until you’re asked, and see each person as having their own journey. You are not the lead in their life. You are only the boss of your own. Stay in the service mode towards the world, without having a need to fix anything or anyone. After all, who gave you the authority to try to change anyone? Allow others the integrity to make their own decisions.
No more pleasing. We were never meant to be pleasers. We are givers. (There is a big difference!) We are all our own authorities and equally able to make our own choices. We are not meant to compromise for validation. Through mutual respect and encouragement, we can live in support of each other. You are free. Whatever you thought you had to do, or who you needed to please, or change, you are hereby off the hook. Recap that energy and use it for something that will cultivate growth and happiness.
How can you make a true impact?
Wanting to serve and give is a natural trait of human beings. It is a sign of healthy soul and an inspired spirit. Having a positive impact on the world is a blessing, and something to stretch towards for all of us. With all this crazy mind-blowing manipulation going on in the world, all givers and awakened spirits needs to step forth. The world needs you, it needs all of us.
I believe we all have that longing to make a difference. We want to matter. We want our lives to matter. But we don’t do this by imposing ourselves on others. A small act of kindness and service will make a huge impact, not only for a person or a family, but on the world in general.
I remember the first time someone wrote to me and told me that, because of me, they were no longer suicidal. Because of what I had told them and shown them, they were now on their way to a happy healthy life. A woman sent me a message saying that she was no longer diabetic, and that because of this, she had inspired her sister to help herself too. She was now cancer free. We are not all meant to work with people on this level, to strive for such outcomes, but we can all do something that will impact others. By simply living your truth, you are spreading the light. By simply walking your talk, you are leading others. By simply being loving and caring from your heart, you are helping others open their own hearts. Sharing is caring.
The world needs more fruit trees, more forests, clean water and clean air. Maybe you have a passion for the environment and can contribute to a better world by helping heal mother earth. Our children need our attention and our love, to be able to grow up feeling free in a world of chaos and stress filled living. People are suffering, starving, lost and running from war. Animals are suffering. Just by educating yourself, you are raising your awareness and the ability to positively impact a cause that is close to your heart. It will come to you, once you step out of the pleasing mode.
For years I played the phrase in my head: “How can I serve”. It revealed itself to me. It became a natural part of my life. When we contribute, we fill our cup. We are charged with love and gratitude. Expect nothing, give what you can.
Make friends with some new thoughts of abundance. Being able to give comes from the knowing that there is always enough. You are always enough, and you have more then you need: more love, more good intentions, smiles, encouraging words, enthusiastic engagement and authentic interest.
Ask yourself these questions every day;
How can I serve?
How can I add value?
How can I make a positive impact?
How can I be my very best while being of service?
What is my true calling?
Be quiet and listen for the answer. It might come right away, or show itself at the right time, as your life changes for the better. It will come from your passion and love for life, never from fear or ego-based thinking. There are no right or wrong way to contribute. While it might seem little or insignificant to you, it can be life changing to another. You don’t have to be perfect to be a mentor or a leader. You just have to be genuine.
I stared guiding others long before I was fully educated or healed. People needed my knowledge. They needed someone who was more experienced than they were. There are always people and situations that need what you can give. Chop wood, carry water, smile, show up and power up yourself. Be open and willing. It is a blessing.
By utilizing your gifts you are also being of service. They are given to us, as a service to the world. So, by using them you are blessing others, and by doing so you are blessing yourself. It will transform your whole life to let your talents flow. A musician does the world service with his or her music — touching souls and raising the vibration, just by doing what they do best.
When you express yourself though enthusiasm you are inspiring others to be of service as well. The ripple effect is unstoppable. Just by being happy, you are serving. So, you see, in turn, taking care of you is of great service to humanity. So simple, but so profound.
Create through the clarity of your own vibration. Create your desires and let the manifestations that come from it be the service to this world. Being of service does not mean you are going to fill a void of lack. Not at all. It simply means being in your own flow — and the whole world will benefit. You are unique, and the world needs you, not as a pleaser, but as a contributor of your true self and passion. You are unique, and that in itself is enough. Be true, be real, be loving and be present. You are a gift. Give it!
A life lived with passion willingness to be of service will never let you down. The power of creation will manifest a tenfold return — not as a means of thank you, but as a natural part of the flow of creation. Let your life expand beyond the daily routines of work and obligation. Let there be room to give back, and to receive. You might feel drawn to donate to a good cause, volunteer at a soup kitchen, an animal shelter or a crises center. A neighbor might need a strong hand. You might feel drawn to charity work in your community or to spend your life travelling the world sharing a message of hope and inspiration. It does not matter what. By walking your walk and talking your talk, you are always enough.
Leave your heart open to new ideas.
Be inviting and watch how life unfolds at a new level.
All you have to do is live.
About the author:
Hilde Larsen, known as ‘the one who Inspires’, is the CEO and founder of inspiredbyhilde.com. She is a certified Health and Mindset Coach, an Author, a Keynote Speaker, Detox Specialist, Raw food Teacher and Life-Enthusiast. Her glowing enthusiasm for health and vitality has the leading role in her work.
Hilde Larsen writes articles, and has her own blog and YouTube channel. She is the author of three published books: ‘From HELL to Inspired’, ‘Know the Truth and Get Healthy’, and ‘No More Bullshit’. She creates online video programs and has her own membership site, The Inspired Members.
Her interest in healing and spiritual growth also led her to become a Reiki Healer. She is highly intuitive and has a strong connection to Mother Earth and the spiritual world.
Born and raised in Stavanger, Norway, she and her husband of 29 years have a second home in Florida, USA. She is a proud mother and grandmother, and a tree-hugger at heart. Called by nature and spirit, she is inspiring many to take back their power, and to live a healthy successful life doing what they love.
Hilde now spends her time traveling between Norway and Florida, speaking, and appearing on different media as the Inspired health and thought leader. She is an authority in her field who has walked her talk. She also values the time with her clients, and her time in nature with her closest family and friends.