In order to feel any degree of lasting spirituality or wholeness, I think we’ll have to be willing to give up the mortal, ego-driven self and allow Source to express itself through us.
This isn’t because Source is somehow ‘holier’ or more lighted than our physical personalities – it’s because the ego, if we let it, will take complete control of our thoughts and emotions. The result could be that we sputter into depression and myriad other symptoms of an overactive ego that, speaking from experience, don’t feel very great.
I’ve probably written a hundred times that we need to transcend the ego and allow Source to take the perceptual wheel and steer if we want to find true wholeness, but I’ve had trouble with it.
I’m realizing that it’s easy to say something, but actually doing it can be a lot harder. Completely transcending the ego sounds doable, but we might have trouble if we don’t stay diligent.
Lately, I’ve woken up in the morning and struggled to balance my thoughts and emotions.
Only after the hours of unbroken depression I experienced yesterday have I finally realized what my issue (and maybe the issue of those of you out there who’ve also struggled with depressive thoughts or feelings) really is: I care too much about the ego self and I haven’t put as much of my energy into Source or spirituality in general.
I know some seekers don’t think we should look to a higher spiritual source beyond ourselves for inspiration, clarity or general positivity, but I think there’s value in focusing on spiritual concerns over egotistical, however dualistic it sounds. I’m learning that the more we feed the ego and its rigid mindsets, judgments and expectations, the unhappier we’ll be.
Deep inside, most of us are hurting in one way or another.
We’ve all accumulated pain, which, in some cases, we just don’t feel like we can surface or release, and our pain can come to the surface when we vest ourselves too much in the ego. It won’t heal – it’ll express itself through us so strongly that it overtakes us.
I don’t know about the rest of you who struggle, but I’m realizing that I need to get the finite ego out of the way and become an unbroken conduit for the expression of my latent Christ consciousness. Just like we’ve all felt hurt before, we can all tap into our inner Christ consciousness, which can alleviate our identity-based stresses, worries and concerns.
Like reggae artist Matisyahu has said, “You got to give yourself up and then you become whole.
“You’re a slave to yourself and you don’t even know. You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow. If you’re trying to stay high, then you’re bound to stay low, you want God but you can’t deflate your ego. If you’re already there, then there’s nowhere to go. If your cup’s already full, then it’s bound to overflow”.
It took hours and hours of depression for me to finally call on Source to give me some kind of sign that I wasn’t losing myself. Shortly after I made this call, my depressive haze gradually turned into a meditation, and it was in this meditation that I received what I feel was important intuitive guidance about steering clear of the ego.
I intuited that if I continue to fret over matters that involve my mortal self, I’ll be unhappy forever.
I’ve experienced plenty of things in life that could cause me to embrace depression, and it’s because of this that I’ve been advised to let my identity-based perception go and let myself become an unhindered conduit for Source and its energies and expressions.
Let your finite physical concerns go, I was advised. Let your ego die, even though it’ll fight very hard against it, and rebirth yourself into meditation; creativity; sharing your love with everyone around you, free of conditions. Let the ego’s influence fade, and you’ll find the bliss you seek.
I asked Source for a sign, and instead, I was given a direct intuitive message.
It seems that the message will always be to let our ego-driven grip on our reality not only fade, but completely die. Ego death might sound like kind of a dark thing, and to our egos, it’s the absolute worst thing that could happen.
I’m reminded of the story of a spiritual seeker who meditated under a famous teacher. After meditating for quite a few months, he suddenly found that he was gripped with intense fear when he’d get into his zone.
He told his teacher about it, and his teacher’s perspective was that he was reaching the threshold of complete and total ego death and his identity-based self was responding with as much fear as it could express.
His mortal self was afraid of the ego death that’d eventually result from his diligent meditations, and it made this fear known in its exact, raw form. I feel like I’m going through something similar, only instead of intense and unbearable fear, I’m feeling a range of emotions that all lead back to the ego self feeling hurt, fractured or damaged in some way.
We all face unique inner battles, and my biggest woes come from feeling like nobody cares about me; nobody appreciates the things I do or the love I strive to give. Only now do I see that striving for attention or recognition is the polar opposite of unconditional love, but I’ve struggled with feeling like the people in my life only care on a surface level.
My ego’s constantly concerned that it isn’t receiving the love, attention or nurturance it feels like it offers others, and this can cause depressive thoughts and feelings that are essentially like a mental/emotional tar pit.
These thoughts and feelings will trap us in their confines and make us feel like we just can’t escape if we let them, but the good news is that we can. It isn’t easy, and some people might have to struggle for months and even years before they can make any progress or find the light at the end of the tunnel, but it isn’t it isn’t impossible.
I’m starting to see that letting my ego’s influence fade from my consciousness and allowing Source to continuously express its meditative energies and expressions through me is the best thing I can do if I want to save myself from myself.
I write this in hopes that it helps those of you out there who may be struggling with similar issues, and the best advice I can offer right now is the same advice I’ve offered all along, which I’m just starting to truly understand: transcend the low emotions of the ego and open up to Source – not on a surface level, but on the deepest level imaginable.
Let’s allow ourselves to become unhindered conduits for the expression of our inner Christ consciousness, and let’s keep in mind that we will be challenged along the way. I’ve certainly been challenged recently, and I’ll admit that again, every morning has been a struggle to find any sort love, positivity or balance, but I think I’m starting to take my first steps.
We’ll reach the next, purer phase of our growth and evolution when we can transcend the ego to a certain degree, and it always helps to remember that life’s a constant journey. We won’t perfect our paths overnight, but we can stop worrying so much about ourselves, how others perceive us, or if we’re receiving the love or praise we feel like we should be.
I can only say this because I’ve been to my own self-created hell and back. I’ve struggled with thinking that nobody really cares; that people take advantage of a kind and loving heart; that the love people express is only artificial.
I’ve struggled with feeling like I was being taken advantage of, and looking back, I see that every one of these concerns are rooted in a perception of myself as a mortal being instead of a spiritual being; a conduit for a greater spiritual energy and perception.
I don’t want to be Wes Annac the frazzled mortal anymore. I want to be a constant conduit for the expression of the innate spirituality we can all tap into.
I want to let my mortal concerns cease as I consistently embrace meditation, creativity, music, and unconditional love for the people I my life, instead of taking from them or convincing myself they should live up to my expectations simply because I strive to offer them love that’s supposed to be unconditional.
True bliss is found when we can finally stop thinking about ourselves and embrace spirit, free of any worries and concerns about how it’ll affect the ego.
If we embrace spirituality, meditation, etc. but find that we still descend into unhappiness or depression, then we haven’t fully transcended the ego. We might still have some inner searching to do, and only when we’re willing to give up any worries or concerns about our mortal selves can we find happiness or centeredness.
Love is the way; the worries, concerns and demands of the ego aren’t. I’m sure some seeker somewhere will find flaws with this viewpoint (spiritual seekers seem to be great at pointing out philosophical flaws), but I write it from the experience my struggles have given me. It might be difficult, but I strive to live as much in alignment as I can.
If we could all do this, we might put an end to our struggles with depression, lowness, and every other feeling that convinces us we’re less than the divine, spiritual beings we truly are.
Let’s allow spirit to fill our perception instead of the same old mind-driven concerns that have held us back from exploring our consciousness, enjoying our lives, and giving love to a world that desperately needs it. We aren’t here to take from the world; we’re here to offer it and everyone on it the unconditional love of Source.
It’s time to turn over a new leaf; to create a new day where everyone can feel comfortable exploring spirit and the higher vibration descending onto our minds and hearts. We have to embrace this vibration to feel it, but once we have a pure grasp on it, all we need to do is give up the rigid judgments and expectations of our finite selves.
It’s easier said than done, but it’s very attainable.
Update: Some hours after writing this, I realize that complete and total ego death is the ultimate goal of enlightenment but that it happens gradually; in stages. We can’t expect to all-out transcend the ego overnight, and while it’s here with us, it can be used progressively.
I don’t necessarily think we should look to a higher spirituality, such as the spirituality that can be attained when we successfully transcend the ego, to find simple joy or happiness. In doing this, we do feed duality by convincing ourselves the ego is ‘lower’ and a transcended ego is ‘higher’, thus indicating that the polarity of the ego still has somewhat of a grip on our consciousness.
It seems that this subject is a little more complicated than simply transcending the ego and experiencing daily, unhindered bliss. The ego’s necessary in some ways as we go about this difficult earthly experience – it’s how we use it that counts.
It can be used progressively or negatively, but I still think making an effort to transcend its overbearing influence is important and will help us amidst our struggles. It’s simply isn’t the sole answer to finding enlightenment or generally enjoying our lives.
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