By Marquita Herald, Emotionally Resilient Living, September 11, 2015

Let’s be honest, most of us view problems as annoying distractions, hurdles that disrupt our comfort, demand our attention and prevent us from moving forward, even if only for a little while.

The fact is we spend our lives solving problems – in the workplace or at home – problems of all shapes and sizes surround us. But problems do have one thing going for them; we may not always recognize or appreciate it, but each one presents an opportunity for growth.

And here’s something you may not have considered before … underneath it all many problems are actually the same, they just look different on the outside because of the people, labels and external circumstances.

So taking that into consideration, what if the greatest learning opportunity of all is to identify and take control of the core issues behind the problems that stare you in the face every day?

Shifting Perspective to Find the Opportunity in Problems

I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

This quote from Mother Teresa has always been a favorite of mine and I think it fits well here because isn’t that the way we all feel from time to time when we’re faced with what appears to be an insurmountable obstacle?

We may not like it, but I believe on some level we all understand that challenges are a necessary part of growth. It’s easy to feel confident when things are going well, but it’s in the way we respond to our problems that provide us with the greatest opportunity to learn who we really are and to reach our full potential.

Opportunity may be a powerful enabler but we must first find our way to a level of self-awareness where we can see through the surface problem and identify the underlying issue(s) and that begins by answering the following question.

What is the real problem?

The problem you’re dealing with may seem obvious, but let’s list a few examples to show you why this needs to be your starting point.

• You’re annoyed because your sister has a habit of showing up without calling to drop off her kids for you to watch, assuming you won’t say no, because you’ve always come through before.

• You’re irked because a friend has once again volunteered you to serve on a school committee without asking first.

• You’re frustrated because whenever you try to take time for yourself someone has a problem you need to stop and solve and it seems no one appreciates all the hard work you do for them.

From the outside this may look like three separate problems, but the reality is they are the same problem with different players and disguises. The real problem – and opportunity – is lack of healthy personal boundaries.

Boundaries are not about putting up walls or pushing people away. They are based on your values and priorities and represent your statement to the world about the circumstances and behaviors that are acceptable in your life. You will be amazed at the number of problems that will disappear when you accept the opportunity and take responsibility for setting healthy personal boundaries!

Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The Most Common Core Problem

Let’s cut to the chase and look at what may be the most common core issue of all. One that once it’s recognized and confronted not only has the potential for enormous growth but to solve many associated problems in the process: FEAR

• Fear of confrontation.
• Fear of testing yourself.
• Fear of failure.
• Fear of uncertainty, vulnerability, the unknown, and on and on …

We often fail to recognize it, but many situations only become problems because we avoid facing them out of fear. We avoid having difficult conversations with people, even though they are the source of our problems, because we fear confrontation. We avoid reaching our full potential because we fear testing ourselves, and even though our chronic dissatisfaction in life leads to problems, it’s less painful to just live with the unrealized dream than face failure.

When it comes to fear the single most important lesson we need to learn is that it will never, ever, entirely go away. But the opportunity here is that we can learn to control our fear and prevent it from holding us back. I’d like to share with you now a short video clip from of actor Edward Norton talking about challenging yourself and learning to overcome the obstacle of fear.

(Note from Wes: To see the video, head here: http://www.emotionallyresilientliving.com/how-to-see-the-opportunity-in-problems)

Even though we’ve only looked at two potential core issues I think you can see that very often a single stumbling block can be the source of many of the problems we face on a daily basis. Taking the time to look at your problems on a deeper level can help you to identify these larger issues that may well lead to your greatest opportunity for personal growth.